YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
