she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
