i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
