The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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