how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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