I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
