I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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