They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
