Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My penis needs a shock collar
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
