FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
