I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
