Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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