Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
