When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
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