people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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