i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
