marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
