man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
