if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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