i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
