she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
