i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
