Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
