this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
