just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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