My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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