This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
