i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
