Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
