haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
