How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
