Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
