I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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