You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He passed out mid-signature
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
