you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
