Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
