I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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