A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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