if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
