my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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