Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize