And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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