who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
