i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
