You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
