Christians are straight up FREAKS
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just found a bag of teeth...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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