Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
