Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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