all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize