Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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