Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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