I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
