i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
