Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize