So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
