I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
