I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
