I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
