she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
