i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
