How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
