apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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