Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize