my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
