Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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