i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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