i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
