just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
