can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
