How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
