I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
