Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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