he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize