$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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