I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
