all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
