Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
