I want to have your abortion
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
