everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
