I'm gonna have a badass scar
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
