she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
