I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
