the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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