I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
