69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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