If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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