His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
