Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
