I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
