Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
